This morning my newsfeed on facebook showed me a picture that I posted exactly a year ago today, which was an identical scene to the one I had just left only moments before- so for those who didn't get the memo I'm back in India.
Once I decided to return to India people instantly kept asking me to keep a blog again, but each time it just didn't feel right, and although I thought I wouldn't, I find myself today, 20 days in feeling a little inspired to write.
Its kind of a sense of De-Ja-Vu here everything seems the same, yet is totally different. I am different. Last year I found the panchakarma process very physically challenging, but this year it has dropped to a completely different level.
When I returned from my 5 week panchakarma experience last May my medical teams, were delighted (and slightly intrigued) at how I had re-booted my body, and stabilised my bloodwork. For the majority of 2014 & 2015 I have been really healthy, and felt like I had been given my life back.. So I got busy doing all the things which I had not been able or well enough to do over the previous years.
As many of you know I booked this trip with about 1 - 2 weeks notice, shortly after finding out my thyroid had switched itself off. This in itself was a major wake up call, I began to delegate and to re-focus my health (AGAIN) as my #1 priority.
For most people a diagnoses like this can be a relief, a pinned down condition and a treatment plan, for me getting this news was devastating. Initially I felt steam rolled by failure, that everything I had worked towards, especially in the last two years to regain my health had been a waste.
You see in January I finally completed my coach training, and got started working on my new wellness company, something which I had felt called to do for such a long time, but had not been well enough to do. So at last I was well enough to take the training, had enough energy to infuse into my new company and then came the SMACK!!
The news became even more traumatic- that I was not the glowing example of 'healthy and well' that I was pinning my company on. I wanted to start this new venture to give hope to people that despite a diagnosis you can make decisions to empower and encourage your healing and wellbeing. Love Your Life (my new wellness company) would offer techniques and tools from coaching, yoga & meditation to empower and inspire people to transform their lives and health. Yet I found myself thinking 'who am I to deliver this message, you can't even maintain your own health'.
Doubt and vulnerability are two key emotions that every entrepreneur feels as they share their offerings with the world. For me dancing with wellness has been a major aspect of my life for the last 10 years, so this offering came from deep within my heart. All this combined, my ego was having a field day, bashing me down, and now this set back just 'confirmed' I was not good enough to start this wellness company.
Fortunately I have 10 years of experience in this wellness dance, and as one of my favorite authors always say- 'life is your classroom, to teach is to learn' and by god am I learning!!
I was forced to face my ego, my chronic illness', my own beliefs and wellness practices, and whilst it might sound dramatic I felt rocked to my core. I had to dig deep and examine how best I should proceed. Having taken medication for the guts of 9 years, and rarely had a quality of life which I have experienced over the last year I was faced with the FEAR dilemma....Should I follow my doctors prescription out of fear of what might happen, or should I do what has worked for my body in the past, both filled with risks, and whilst paralyzed by doubt and fear choosing my path became increasingly difficult.
Yet slowly with the love, encouragement and support of my cheerleaders aka all you amazing people in my life I began to acknowledge and recognise that six of my chronic illness' were (and still are) in remission- I was doing amazing!!
So this is something I began to focus upon, and choosing my healing path became simpler, once I began to dissolve the fear.
Having met so many inspiring people here in India who have or are experiencing health conditions (be they chronic or not), I am feeling even more inspired and called to get Love Your Life off the ground, so if you want to join me with a daily(ish) slice of positivity pop over here to join my journey.
If you want to read all about round 1 of India aka my 2014 healing adventure all the gory details can be found here.
Sending love to each of you, and some morning sunshine from India xxxxxxxxxxx